Saturday, March 20, 2010

The Moose and I

Off post-topic, but...You know what makes me happy? Finally finding the tea I loved after looking for it for *two* years. Not only that, but 4 oz. of the loose leaf blend came in the mail today. A grin to anyone who can tell me what I'm drinking right now. =)

This photo was taken at Toler's first show. ( Fall of '03? I can't quite remember.) It was a dressage show, and we won High Point for our division (earning a big neck ribbon that only just barely fit around Toler's neck). Somewhere we have a video of his first test--though I can't bear to watch myself ride. It was a pretty perfect day. We don't have many photos of it, sadly, and the photo CD we ordered from the roll of film seems to have started to (horribly) degrade, as all the images have huge amounts of noise and speckles on them. So, I did some PS doctoring on this shot to make it at least presentable for my Awesome Photoblog. (=

But this post isn't really going to be about that photo, or even that first show, really. See, ever since that first show season we've done nothing but recover and return to the basics. Injury, retraining, injury, retraining. It feels like a never-ending cycle, which my being away for college didn't help.

Most of the time I wonder where we would be if none of those setbacks had happened. If I had gone to college here, in town. I'm not really sure. Maybe we'd be jumping 3'6" without a fault. Maybe we'd be finessing tempi changes, the passage, reworking canter pirouettes. Maybe we'd be old pros at the training-level three-day events, which, honestly, had always been my riding goal. Cross country over big, wide, solid fences. Over drops and water jumps. The sport of trust, endurance, athleticism, and a dollop of insanity.

After our latest setback--our jumping accident two summers ago--I'm not really even sure I will ever complete a cross-country course. I typically feel fine about the prospect of being an eventer. Enthusiastic, even. But then, in the saddle, counting strides to the base of a simple 2'3" oxer, I get caught by nerves and doubt, a tiny corner of my head pondering the worst. I find, after over ten years of riding, that suddenly *I'm* the one needing a boost of confidence, the one feeling wobbly and insecure. Like the roles have changed overnight. Somehow I've become the cautious rider. No longer the ambitious "crazy" of the barn, the one nicknamed (until I got Toler, at least,) "Velcro-Butt." I tell myself we're healing.

Toler does his best these days to instill my confidence in him. And, really, he has matured so much in the past few years. So much, in fact, that my mother can ride him quite comfortably. He has to hold his own jumping, now, no longer relying on me to hold him over every fence or correct his striding and balance. Not when I'm focusing so much on confidence. Sometimes I think he has decided that he let me down that summer. I hold his nose close to my body, kiss the soft hair between his ear and forelock.

I think the worst part of retraining isn't the repetition, the boredom of the old and already-(once)-conquered. The worst part is learning, again, to trust. Completely. Without question.

Trust.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Overlook


It has been one of those low photo-inspiration weeks. I get really excited for art and photography this time of year, then everything gets muddy and ick and while I feel excited to go out and take photos or something, I can't get over the "yuck" factor. Now it's starting to warm up a bit more, the sun is shinning, the mud is a little less suck-your-boot-off-your-foot...It's even 50 degrees outside, which to me means t-shirt time. (Unless it's windy, then I'll stick with what I've been wearing for the past month, which is a t-shirt with a long sleeved shirt underneath.) Haha, you may think I'm crazy, but that's okay. Viking blood in my veins--warmer than rum, almost. *big grin*

All right. I told myself I would write this morning. (This technically counts, yes?)

Monday, March 8, 2010

Into Light


We've entered into the "tween" phase of spring. There's still enough snow left on the ground, but everyday it recedes more and more from the edges of the lawn, from the street and curb. At the stable, that means only one thing: Mud. Deep, wet mud that squelches under your feet and attempts to eat your boots with every step. The horses, for the most part, don't mind it. For one, they can get dirty. A favorite passtime, not unlike how dogs love to roll in whatever smells foulest for their two-leggers.

It's around this time of the year, when the air is warming but still chilly, when the snow fades but never melts completely, when the whole world feels like a giant puddle of mud, that it seems nothing green could ever grow from it. It's a silly feeling considering there are already hints of life stirring from under the snow crystals over the flowerbeds.

So, here's to that forth-coming first shoot, the first glimmer of green in an otherwise monotone world, the first bud journeying into light.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Somehow we stay


This is evidently Toler's current girlfriend. I can't think of her name at the moment, but maybe one of my barn chicas will think of it and let me know. ;) Anyway, as soon as the geldings quieted down (:cough: Porthos :cough:), the mares came over and socialized with them over the fence. This mare wouldn't leave Toler alone, haha. She was perfect for getting some nice eye shots, though. This shot was color treated (amped up the blues and purples to get a richer non-dingy black) in Lightroom.

And here, have some noses: